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piątek, 15 kwietnia 2011

How to make your husband happy

To help strengthening the Muslim families and spread the teachings of Islam in building families, the Muslim Students’ Association at the University of Alberta prepared a extremely summarised translation of two books wtitten in Arabic by Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, an Egyptian scholar,who graduated from the Islamic University of AlMadinah Al-Munawwarah in Saudi Arabia. The two books are:
How to make your wife happy and How to make your husband happy.
They exceed the traditional presentation of stating rights and duties to the ‘Adab (good manners) and extend into application of these rights in daily life. The following summary highlights mainly the responsibilities or examples of what could or should be done. Every single item mentioned by the author is supported by evidences from Qur’an, Sunnah or the actions of the companions, but evidences are omitted in this translation.
Beautiful Reception
After returning from work, school, travel or whatever has separated you, begin with a good greeting.
Meet him with a cheerful face. Beautify and perfume yourself. Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested. Receive him with loving and yearning sentences. Make hard efforts for excellence of the food and having it ready on time.
Beautify and soften the voice
For your husband only, it shouldn’t be used in front of non-mahram men, that is men who can marry you if you were unmarried.
Smelling good and physical beautification
Taking good care of your body and fitness. Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes. Bath regularly and after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells. Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape. Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoo. Use the types of perfumes, colours and cloths that your husband likes. Change hair style, perfumes, etc.
from time to time. However, with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course, only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.
Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it. Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible, including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.Exchange loving phrases with your husband. Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire. Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband and encouraging him to have intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, among other times.
Satisfaction with what Allah (SWT) has allotted
You shouldn’t be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job. You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (SWT) for all that was given to you. You should remember that real wealth lays in Iman and piety.
Indifference to worldly things
You should not consider this world as your hope and interest. You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things. Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the hereafter and utilise whatever Allah (SWT) gave them to achieve paradise (Jannah). Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.
By the saying of the Prophet (SAW), the majority of people in hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them. The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways. The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be dissappointed and will start asking himself: Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?
Devotion and loyalty
In particular in times of calamities in your husband’s body or business, e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy; supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.
Compliance to him
In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram). In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.
Pleasing him if he is angry
First off, try to avoid what will cause his anger. But if it happens that you can’t, then try to appease him as follows: If you mistaken, then apologise. If he mistaken then keep still instead of arguing or yield you right or wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him. If he was angry because of external reasons then keep silent until his anger goes; find execuses for him, e.g. tiredness, problems at work, some one insulted him; do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened, like ‘You should tell me what happened,’ ‘I must know what made you so angry,’ ‘You are hidding something and I have the right to know.’
Guardianship while he is absent
Protect yourself from any prohibited relations. Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don’t like other people to know. Take care of the house and children.
Take care of his money and properties. Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab. Refuse people whom he does not like to come over. Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place. Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence.
Showing respect for his family and friends
You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents. You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives. You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife. Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc. Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home. Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc.
Admirable jealousy
Jealousy is a sign for wife’s love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc. You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.
Patience and emotional support
Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances. When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your hsuband, children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc. When facing hardships in Da’wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise. When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.
Support in Obedience to Allah, da’wah and jihad
Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships. Encourage him to pray at night. Listen and recite the Qur’an individually and with your husband. Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband. Remember Allah (SWT) much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib. Share in arranging da’wah activities for women and children. Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners (‘adab) for women. Support your husband’s activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc. Yield some of your rights and a part of your time with your husban for da’wah. Encourage him to go for jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah (SWT).
Good housekeeping
Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged. Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom. Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods. Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing. Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.
Preservation of finances and the family
Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this. Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent. Keep the children in good shape, clean cloths, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the prophets and companions.
Courtesy Muslim Students’ Association, University of Alberta, Edmonton, Canada.

1 komentarz:

  1. Oh my... I'm realy realy bad wife ;)




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